


Secrets Told

by camichats



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Demons, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Insecurity, Lies, M/M, Relationship Issues, Secrets, Talking, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-31 06:37:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17844299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Jace makes a deal with a demon to help Clary find her mother, but it was just a truth for a truth, what was the worst that could happen?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know WHERE this idea came from but here we are. Btw parabatai aren't banned from being together. There's not really a reason for it, but I think it's still rare in this 'verse-- sort of a 'how close are we REALLY prepared to be' situation.

It was a bad idea, and Jace had known that from the very beginning. The problem was, this was the only lead they had for finding Jocelyn, and it was time sensitive since the demon they needed was currently in the realm-- and apparently too strong for Magnus to pull from another dimension, hence them rushing this process as much as they dared.

"Are you sure you're willing to do this?" Magnus asked yet again.

" _Yes_."

He raised an eyebrow. "Don't take that tone with me little Shadowhunter. You're lucky I'm summoning Abezethibou for you at all considering that the last warlock to summon him ended up short two hands, and I happen to like both of my hands exactly where they are: attached to my body. Now be quiet, I'm busy."

"You're the one that asked me a question," Jace pointed out, and Magnus just waved his hand dismissively. Jace did his best to focus on how this was going to help Clary and tried not to think of anything else. He'd had to volunteer because Clary didn't know enough about demons to be safe around them, and she might not have been strong enough to survive it anyways. She'd gotten her first Mark just over two months ago, and while she'd taken it like a champ, she still didn't have a full set. Therefore, she couldn't do it even if she wanted to, which she did. When she'd found out that she couldn't do it, she'd actually tried to reverse and say they could find a different way. It was amusing in a naive sort of way, but Isabelle seemed to find it charming, at least.

Izzy, of course, wanted to volunteer to help, but she hadn't fully recovered from the vampire venom incident yet. Alec, as the Head of the Institute and the most sensible person in the group, hadn't been told what they were planning, which was another reason for the rush; if Jace tried to keep a secret from him for too long, he always got found out. He was going to tell Alec after the fact, because then he'd be upset, but they would have already survived it so there was a limit to how angry he could get.

"How much longer?" Clary asked nervously. Jace liked Clary, he really did, but sometimes she needed to leave people more powerful than them alone.

"Just a moment biscuit," Magnus said distractedly, finishing up what he was doing before turning to her. "What?"

"Are we close?"

"Getting there." He motioned where Isabelle was sitting on the couch. "Get some rest, because you won't be getting any once this starts."

Clary swallowed hard, then nodded. She didn't need a nudge to sit next to Isabelle, so she promptly walked over and snuggled up next to her, all the while pretending that that's not what she was doing.

Jace's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he checked it. Shit. A text from Alec. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it wasn't asking where he was though.

_Want to talk when you have a second. Let me know when you get to the Institute?_

**_Will do :heart emoji:_ **

_You're a dork._

_Love you too._

Jace smiled, tucking his phone back in his pocket. He'd used to worry when Alec said stuff in the vein of 'we need to talk' but after all of them were about dinner, date night, or a mission, Jace unlearned his fear.

It was another couple minutes, and then Magnus said they were ready. "Or at least as ready as we're going to be summoning a Prince of Hell into my loft. If he leaves a stench, you lot are helping me carry candles up here."

"I will gladly carry candles for you," Clary said with a grateful smile. "Thank you again Magnus, I never would have gotten this far without your help."

"Don't thank me yet; we don't know if this is going to work."

"Still. I appreciate you trying." They all fell into silence as they got into position.

"Remember Clarissa, no matter what happens, what you see, what he tells you, you do not step into the pentagram."

She nodded firmly, trying to keep that in mind. It was easier than it had been from her last demon summoning, but she still didn't feel prepared. Izzy stood beside her, a firm yet comforting presence. She had her whip in her hand, which was more to comfort herself than because it would be needed. She grabbed Clary's hand, giving it a squeeze as she smiled. "It'll be okay."

"Everyone ready?"

They all nodded.

Magnus raised his hands, magic sparking between his fingers as he chanted under his breath. Normally Jace couldn't tell when the magic started to hit, but he started to feel- heavier was the only way he could think to describe it-- in his separated but connected circle to the pentagram. He probably couldn't move if he wanted to, and all things considered that was for the best. He didn't run in the face of danger, but stepping back could break the cage keeping the demon contained so he could live with that.

Abezethibou appeared in the pentagram with a sudden thump on the hardwood floor. A red liquid dripped from every inch of him, and his posture was off-center because he only had one glowing red wing protruding from his back. He was humanoid, but for a Prince Of Hell that wasn't so surprising. He glanced around, large eyes not missing a single detail. He spun in a slow circle, taking in the pentagram trapping him-- for the moment, anyways. "I take it you want something," he said to Magnus.

"Just some information that you are in a position to give. We want to know where her mother currently is located," he said, hand reaching out to touch Clary on the arm so there was no mistaking which 'her' he was referring to.

"I thought you already knew," Abezethibou said, tail swishing behind him like a cat.

"Someone told us a location, but it was a lie. We want the truth."

"Oh?" he said, a smirk curving around his mouth as he briefly looked at Jace then the door before refocusing on Magnus. He licked his lips and hummed, like he was tasting a fine wine. "An exchange could be made for that."

Magnus was about to reply when the door opened and they all froze, turning to see who it was: Alec.

"By the Angel, what is going on in here? Is Jace-? What? Magnus." He stepped inside the apartment, closing the door behind him. He gave them all a wide berth, not knowing the range of Magnus's spell.

"What are you doing?"

"Negotiating," he said mildly. "I understand you might be upset Alexander, but this is delicate, and I would appreciate you staying where you are and not saying anything else."

Alec nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. Jace deflated a little, but he didn't give any sign of it externally. Alec's jaw was clenched and he could feel a slight burn of anger through the bond, but Alec didn't so much as peek at him.

Magnus turned back to face the demon, picking up like they'd never stopped. "What would you want in exchange for telling us where she is?"

"Another truth."

Magnus's eyes hardened. "A truth from who?"

"Not you, warlock." His eyes slid to Jace. "The one connected to me, giving this pentagram of yours power."

All eyes shifted to him, and he refused to let his nerves show. "It's up to you," Magnus told Jace.

"One truth?" Jace checked.

"One truth for one truth," the demon confirmed. "The warlock decided what my truth would be. I get to decide yours."

Jace thought about it for another minute, trying to see if there was a loophole here that he wasn't seeing. Magnus didn't look panicked or worried in the slightest, so Jace figured it was as safe as it was going to be. "Okay." He could feel the weight of the agreement settle on top of him. They would both be forced to tell the truth, but Jace hadn't agreed with the intention to try and lie. He trusted everyone in this room, and his worst secrets were already known to all of them.

Abezethibou grinned. His teeth were stained red as well, but like he'd been eating a red popsicle, not like he'd been devouring bloody animals or something. It made him seem less intimidating, but Jace couldn't think that way or they could all be hurt. He turned to Clary. "Your mother's in Alicante. One thousand two hundred and forty eight feet from the westernmost tip in a cottage belonging to the Wayland's. Does that satisfy your question?" he asked Magnus.

"I believe so."

"Good." The demon turned to Jace, expression growing predatory. "The person you love most: what is a secret you most wanted to keep from them?"

All the blood drained from Jace's face in an instant. He wanted to keep the words down, wanted to tell Alec to leave the room at least, but it didn't work. The words were pulled from him with the same icy grip the soul sword had. "When he told me that he was in love with me, I was lying when I said it back."

There was a deafening silence-- an eternity stuffed into two and a half seconds-- before Alec turned on his heel and left, slamming the door behind him.

"Alec..." Jace stared at the dark color of the door, his heart squeezing painfully tight in his chest as his body ached to chase after him and explain that it wasn't like that.

Magnus gave a short bow to Abezethibou. "Your information will hold. Until we meet again."

Abezethibou inclined his head in return. "Until we meet again, warlock." Magnus banished him, and the demon disappeared in the blink of an eye, leaving only a puddle of red water in his wake.

It took another ten seconds for the pressure to dissipate, and Jace took off like a shot as soon as it left. "Alec!"

Isabelle, Clary, and Magnus stood awkwardly as he rushed out of the room, trying to chase down his lover and parabatai. Isabelle cleared her throat. "At least we know where your mom is," she said weakly.

Alec wasn't running, but there was a quick pace to his walk that meant Jace had to sprint to catch up to him. It didn't help that Alec ignored his name being called. If there was one thing Jace couldn't handle, it was Alec ignoring him. Before now, it had happened exactly twice, and both times had been utterly miserable.

He finally caught up to him, trying to drag Alec to a stop but failing when Alec shook off his hand and kept stalking forward. "Alec will you stop for a second? Just let me explain!"

"What is there to explain. You lied to me for Raziel only knows why, and I had to learn about it in front of my sister and her dates. Why didn't we invite my parents and make it a family event?" he sneered. "Our entire relationship is built on a lie."

"No it's not," Jace said desperately, hand clamping down on Alec's wrist and finally getting him to stop.

Alec half-faced him, emotions closed off except for a spark of anger in his dark eyes.

"I love you."

"I don't believe you," came the immediate response, which shocked Jace so much that his grip loosened enough for Alec to wrench his arm away and leave again.

* * *

_They were young, parabatai for a few years and friends a little longer. Alec was everything to him: a best friend, a partner, a helping hand, a comforting arm, and another pair of eyes. Jace loved him, and he had barely gotten it past his father's lesson to enjoy it. He'd loved Alec for years now, and nothing bad had happened. Maybe Alec was immune, and that thought only made him cling to his parabatai more._

_"Hey Jace," Alec said, hovering in the doorway to his room. "You got a minute?"_

_Jace winked. "I always have a minute for you. I even have several." He pat the empty space next to him in invitation. Alec closed the door, stepping in nervously, like he hadn't been in Jace's room a hundred times. "What's up?"_

_"I uh, wanted to tell you something," he said, sitting down and leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "And I want you to know that no matter what you say or what you feel, it doesn't have to change anything. I just- it's been driving me crazy trying to ignore it, and this way I'll-" he swallowed thickly "-I'll be able to move on. It's okay if you don't feel the same way, but I need you to know."_

_Jace had a sneaking suspicion what Alec was going to say. He'd had no idea that Alec felt that way about him, and as such didn't know how he felt about it._

_"I love you," he blurted, taking a shuddering breath afterwards. "I'm..._ in _love with you." For all he'd said that it was okay if Jace didn't feel the same way, when he looked at him, he was hopeful. He wanted Jace to say that he loved him back, against all his reasoning that that wasn't true. "I have been for years."_

 _Within seconds, Jace made a decision based on what he saw in Alec's eyes. Alec was opening himself up, confessing to something and hoping against all hope that it would be worth it and Jace would return his feelings. Jace knew what would happen if he said 'sorry but I don't think of you that way'. The light in Alec's eyes would go out, and he'd try to smile. He'd leave, and Jace wouldn't see him again until tomorrow-- at least-- but it would hardly be worth it because he'd be sad. Jace didn't know how to make Alec feel better, which was why he always did his best to prevent him from getting upset. His best friend, his partner, his parabatai was in love with him, and all he wanted to hear was that Jace loved him too. Jace didn't lie to Alec-- it never worked out for him when he tried-- but... well it wasn't so much of a lie was it? He loved Alec more than anyone, and he knew that that wouldn't change. Was he_ in _love with him? Maybe not yet, but he'd get there. That was why he didn't feel guilty about saying, "I'm in love with you too."_

_The temporary lie was worth it to see Alec brighten like the sun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The demon [Abezethibou](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abezethibou) is a fallen angel. He has one red wing and was trapped in the Red Sea, which is why I talk about red water dripping from him. The Red Sea obvs isn't red all the time, but I was going for imagery. I made up the 'Prince of Hell' thing for funsies.


	2. Chapter 2

Jace knocked on Alec's door. Waited. There was no answer, and he couldn't hear anything from inside-- not that that meant anything with how thick the doors were in the Institute. He knocked again, louder. "Alec? You in there?" He swallowed, knocking some more. He thought about calling his name again, but if he talked any louder he'd be yelling. There was a chance Alec wasn't even in the room, and Jace would just be embarrassing himself. He tried the door, but it was locked. Okay, so Alec _was_ in there. "Come on let me in."

"Lovers' spat?" Raj said, walking by.

"Fuck off Raj," Jace spat.

"Geez," he mumbled, "you ask one question around here and everyone bites your head off."

Jace glared at his retreating back, waiting for him to disappear around the corner, and then he waited some more. He knocked on the door again. "All my clothes are in here," he tried. He didn't hear anything, but a few seconds later the lock clicked and the door was yanked open.

Alec wasn't looking at him, and he stepped to the side automatically, like he couldn't bear the thought of Jace touching him even in passing. "Do you need help moving your stuff?"

Jace blinked. "What?"

"Your clothes. Books. Do you need help moving them to your room?"

"You're kicking me out?" Granted they'd never had a conversation that meant they were officially living together, but Jace's room was only that in name. Everything he owned was in Alec's room. He hadn't set foot in 'his' room in years.

Alec's jaw clenched.

If his heart wasn't busy breaking, he would note how fucking hot Alec looked when he did that.

"You lied to me. Our entire relationship is a lie, so no, I'm not going to keep sharing a bed with you when apparently all you've done is laid there and thought of the Clave."

Jace flinched at the vulgarity and the fact that Alec truly thought that was what Jace had spent their relationship doing. "It wasn't like that. Please just- just let me explain."

Alec looked at him then, searching his face for the Angel only knew what. "Okay." Alec closed the door but stayed near it while Jace walked further in. "Explain."

"I-" Jace took a deep breath "-okay I did lie at first. I wasn't in love with you, but you were my parabatai and my first friend. All I wanted to do was keep you happy, and- yes I was confused and if the same situation happened now I never would lie about that to you. But Alec I swear to you-- I _swear_ \-- that I fell in love with you years ago. It was after we got together, and the only reason I lied about it that first time was because I knew that would happen. You're terrific Alec, I knew it wouldn't take very long for me to fall for you, and I was right. Our whole relationship isn't a lie. At most it was the first two weeks, and that's it, I swear."

Alec stared at him evenly. Jace couldn't feel anything through their bond because Alec had started blocking it when he ran out of Magnus's loft. "You're telling me that you said it as a lie, then started feeling it two weeks later. That's what you're telling me."

"It's the truth," he said desperately, but Alec didn't look convinced. He couldn't believe this; this wasn't what he had expected. He'd thought that once he explained it, Alec would believe him and that would be that. But if Alec didn't believe him, thought that Jace was still lying or just didn't care, what would he do? Move out? Pretend everything was fine while they went on missions? He'd go mad trying to live like that.

Alec walked closer to him until he was in Jace's space, face unreadable. He put an arm around Jace's waist and leaned down so the tips of their noses brushed each other. "You're lying," he breathed, and for an instant Jace was so sure that he was going to wrench away and storm out, but he leaned in that last inch and kissed Jace.

Shaking off his shock, Jace kissed him back, pressing into him and curving an arm around his shoulders to try and pull him impossibly closer. "I love you so much," Jace whispered, in between one breath and the next as they kissed.

"Stop lying," Alec said in a low voice, kissing along Jace's neck.

Jace frowned even as he shuddered at the sensation. "I'm not lying."

"I'm not as good a person as you think I am Jace. You don't want to break up? Fine, but I don't need you to lie and tell me that you love me for this to work."

"What are you talking about?" Jace asked, pushing at Alec with a hand in the center of his chest. "Alec, I'm not lying to you, what the hell?"

"Jace it's _okay_ , I don't- I don't even care," he lied, "so let's just--" He tried to pull him back in, but Jace stepped out of his arms entirely.

"No." Jace swallowed thickly then said, "I know I don't have any room to talk about this, but you don't get to lie to me. You either trust me or you don't, and if you don't then we don't need to be doing this." He motioned between the two of them to show what 'this' meant.

Alec didn't say anything for a while.

So long that Jace couldn't take it anymore. "So do you trust me?"

"I trust you with my life," he said immediately.

"But not with this."

Alec didn't say a word.

Jace's shoulders sank, and he ran a hand through his hair. "Right." He knew that he should grab a few clothes so that he had something to wear tonight, but that was barely a passing thought as he shot out of the room.

* * *

Clary was the one that decided to confront him about the situation when he was pounding on a sandbag in the training room. "Jace," she said, softly but loud enough that he couldn't pretend to not hear her.

"What," he said shortly.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." He gave a particularly vicious punch to the center, sending a burst of pain through his knuckles. He grit his teeth and hit it in the same spot just so it would hurt. It helped distract him from the pain in his chest, but he didn't do it again. He might have done, but Clary put a hand on his arm, and he stilled.

"I know all of you people that were raised as Shadowhunters are allergic to talking about your feelings, but I think this situation's bad enough that you can get away with it. You can plead temporary insanity if you need to, but don't shut yourself away."

Jace scoffed. "And what is talking going to do for me huh? Fix everything? I tried that, and it didn't work."

"I don't think confessing in front of all of us really counts as--"

"Not that. I talked to Alec afterwards and he just- he doesn't trust me anymore." Jace wasn't looking at her, undoing the tape on his hands like it required his full focus. "I explained what happened, and he thinks I'm trying to cover my ass because I don't want to lose him."

"Do you?"

"What?" Jace asked, looking up at her in confusion.

"Do you want to lose him?"

"Of course not!"

"And would you lie to keep that from happening?"

Jace opened his mouth to say yes, he would, he'd do anything to keep Alec in his life, but then he stopped, expression darkening. "I wouldn't lie to Alec about it. Not after everything we've been through together."

"Does Alec know that?" She held her hands up in surrender when he started to glare. "All I mean is that if Alec knows you'd lie to keep him in your life, and he knows that you lied to him about something important in the past, he might think that you'll do it now. If he was thinking about it rationally, I'm sure he'd realize that you wouldn't lie about this, but he's _not_ thinking rationally. He's hurting because he feels betrayed by the person he trusted more than anyone else in the world. I don't say that to make you feel guilty, I just want you to consider how he sees all of this."

"Don't be ridiculous," Jace grit out through his teeth. "Of course he knows." He said that, but he wasn't sure about it. Alec had thought he was lying earlier, had kissed him just to get past the situation because he didn't know what else to do. Maybe he _should_ talk to Alec again, but he wasn't going to tell Clary that. She might gloat and he was nowhere near being in the mood to deal with that. "Are you done?"

She was quiet for a moment before she nodded. "Jace. I know that we're not actually family, but I do care about you. If you ever wanted to be all 'mundie' about your emotions, rest assured your secrets would be safe with me." Fortunately she didn't stick around after saying that, so he didn't have to think of some way of blowing her off while he hid his gratitude. Not that he _wanted_ to talk mind, but he appreciated her friendship even if it was a pain in the ass right now.

He walked the other direction, heading towards his room. Whether he was going to his room with Alec or his official room, he didn't know yet. They were right next to each other anyways, so it would be easy to pretend he was going to 'his' room if Alec saw him and got upset.

Alec saw him long before he reached the residential wing of the Institute, and they stared at each other for a long moment. Alec swallowed thickly, his adam's apple bobbing. Even with all the shit they were going through, Jace wanted to press him against the wall and bite at his neck. "Sorry. About before."

Jace automatically wanted to say that it was fine, he forgave him... but he didn't. "You can't do that Alec. We-" he blew out a breath "-need to talk. In private."

"I thought you hated talking about your feelings."

"It's either talk or lose you. I know which one I choose."

Alec's expression softened. Not so much that anyone but Jace would have noticed, but it was there. "C'mon, let's go to our room."

"Still our room?"

There was a pause, and it felt like the world was suspended. "I guess that depends on how this conversation goes."

Jace swallowed. "Right. Guess that's fair."

* * *

It took _months_ for them to get back to normal. They talked it out, figured out what they were going to do about... everything. Jace had never hated pushing through a conversation so much in his life, but this was to keep Alec. He would do just about anything to keep Alec, and that included having very uncomfortable conversations where they both had to muddle through misunderstandings and feelings.

But they managed, and things were finally evening out. While they were busy getting their shit together, Izzy, Clary, and Magnus had figured out their own relationship and were in the middle of making long term plans. It was... weird. Clary had just barely moved into the Institute, and now she was leaving, taking Izzy along for the ride.

"This is bullshit!" Alec said as they got back to their room. "She falls in love so now she's just going to leave? What about us? We're her _family_."

"And Clary and Magnus are the loves of her life," Jace said softly. "She's not leaving _us_ Alec, she's leaving the Institute." Alec was still fuming, pacing the space angrily. "You know that she's never been happy living here. She loves being a Shadowhunter, but here at the Institute? She was miserable."

"She didn't even talk to us."

"We were sort of busy with our own issues at the time. Besides, did we consult her any time we made a big relationship decision?"

"No," Alec admitted, but it was like pulling teeth.

"We didn't tell her when we first got together Alec. If anything, she's going out of her way to tell us what's going on."

Alec sat down on the bed, running a hand through his hair. He was steady because it took a lot more than this to get him physically rattled, but Jace could see it in the set of his shoulders. He padded over, sitting beside him carefully. Alec sighed and turned to rest his head on Jace's shoulder. "I can't protect her if she's living somewhere else," he said after a long silence.

"She's more than capable of taking care of herself." And she'd had to several times while both of them were busy taking care of the mess they'd made of their relationship and weren't doing their best in fights. "Not to mention that Magnus is a High Warlock and can take on a horde all by himself."

"He's busy."

"And Clary's learning."

Alec made a face at the mention of Clary, and Jace smiled a little.

"Are you still upset about that? C'mon, she had no idea I was taken, and I wasn't interested anyways."

"Hmph."

Jace paused, peering a little closer at his partner. "Are you really still mad at her? It was a year ago, Alec, and she's dating our _sister_ now. She's negative amounts of interested in me."

He didn't answer for a moment. "I don't think she's interested in you. I know you're not interested in her."

"Then what's the problem?"

"...You helped her without talking to me."

Jace blinked. "I thought you'd agree with me."

"And I did, but you didn't even think about asking me. You just ran off with some mundane girl you'd just met."

"You're a lot more insecure than I thought you were," Jace said, and he hadn't really meant to say it aloud, but it was what he'd been thinking. Alec's face hardened, and Jace hurried to explain before they got in a fight. "I didn't know you felt that way. I always thought it was obvious that I cared about you more than anyone else." He sheepishly added, "I guess I never thought about it. You always seemed so sure of yourself."

"You underestimate how attractive you are Jace," Alec said, scowl still present on his face, but it was more a remembered emotion than something he was presently upset about. "You joke, but you don't think it's true. People always want you, and despite what you think of me, I'm not the best person on the planet. One day someone better is going to come along and-"

"And nothing. I know I didn't give you the best reason to trust me recently, but there's _no one_ better than you. And there never will be."


End file.
